We come out of our regular All-Star weekend coverage hype with this Valentine's Day special edition of The Carlo Chronicles. If you have met me in person and asked what I thought about this holiday, I probably gave you an answer like; "Valentine's Day is merely a global conspiracy created to squeeze money out of the pockets of society." From that statement you can infer that I don't really like the idea of people being all mushy and having their wallets vomit bills in public. Even if that is the case, I cannot say that I am immune to the influence of this controversial day, I actually did spend a couple bucks this year myself. Coming from Southridge, an elite all boys school, in my early years, the concept of having crushes and relationships was never a dominant thought in my system. I was only able to experience that in the sixth grade, when I moved to La Salle, my current co-educational school. I won't go any deeper into that stuff, but I will use it to tip-off my topic.
Unless you're like 1-3 years old, you have probably experienced being attracted to a member of the opposite gender; be it a cute classmate, the girl next door or a really hot actress, the fact remains that we are attracted to certain people. I don't know whether it's some kind of biological reaction or something far greater, the best person to ask would have to be my biology teacher, so I'm just going to tell you what I think; Maybe we're all genuinely attracted to a specific type of person, I know each person is unique in a sense, but if you observe the patterns closely, there will be a similarity between all of them, a "template" if you must label it. I think that these "templates" actually run through the course of our sense of attraction, therefore allowing us to be attracted not only to fellow humans, but representations as well; such as cartoons.
Let's get straight to it; everyone has watched cartoons at one period in their lives, most of us even continue to watch them all the way to adulthood. Throughout all the fun cartoon episodes you have witnessed, I'm pretty sure there was a point wherein you were just enjoying another 30 minute episode and suddenly just stopped and fell in love with one of the drawings. You're not alone. I have been attracted to a couple cartoon characters myself, and the idea of making it a topic has been running through my mind for quite some time now. I decided since we're celebrating the Valentine's spirit, why not pull it off? I did a lot of interviews with different schoolmates/teachers, neighbors, friends, relatives and even online buddies to ask them who they thought was a hot cartoon character. I ended up with a pretty strong list of 25 very attractive cartoon characters, which I have personally edited and verified.
Top 25 Hottest Cartoon Characters of all time.
1. Meg (Hercules)
Meg grabs the number one spot easily, tall and slender, her model-like body and pretty face propel her above the rest. Though she is not on my personal favorite list, Meg is the template of perfection when it comes to feminism. She plays both antagonist and protagonist roles in the plot of Hercules, making her character the complete package.
2. Lola Bunny (Space Jam)
Lola Bunny carries the concept of every guy's dream girl. I still remember when she walked into the Loony Tunes gym while Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny were trying to figure out how to beat the Monstars. She was wearing a short tank top and short shorts when she played one-on-one with Bugs, of course she dunked on him and said; "Don't ever call me doll". Damn, I didn't care if she was a rabbit, she was smoking hot.
3. Jane Porter (Tarzan)
The most prim and proper characterization on the list, this smart British girl traveled to Africa with the objective of studying and sketching the wildlife. Jane is unbelievably pretty and has the best pair of legs among all the characters on this list. The irritating part is that she fell for some savage freakshow named Tarzan. What is it with chicks and muscles? The dude is an absolute moron and she decides to go marry him just because he has an eight-pack? Screw that.
4. Britney Ally (Totally Spies)
When Totally Spies first appeared on TV, I couldn't believe how addicting it was to watch. Clover, Sam and Alex were like my heroes right after Kim Possible. When I thought the show couldn't get any better, Gerry introduces a stunning Asian spy named Britney Ally. (She's the one with the blue jumpsuit) In her first mission with the spies, Britney reveals that she is captain of her school's cheer squad and is very skilled in chess. She also proves her dominance throughout the mission by displaying the traits of all the other three in her arsenal. Britney is on my personal favorites list because I find her extremely attractive, she is without a doubt my ''type''. This is the "template" thing I was talking about earlier. If Britney was real, I would ask her to marry me.
5. Violet Parr (The Incredibles)
Violet was one of the few cartoon characters I really had a crush on. Maybe it was the realistic Pixar magic coming into play, but I remember buying a premiere ticket to see The Incredibles at the movie theater and I asked the girl at the counter if she could give me all the Violet giveaways available. The counter girl must have thought the idea of a nine year-old kid asking for it was cute, because she did give them to me. Problem is, what's a guy going to do if his girlfriend can become invisible? Gotta behave yourself dude.
6. Kim Possible (Kim Possible)
What young boy has not fallen in love with Kim Possible? She's the pioneer of cartoon female espionage. Back in the fourth grade, everyone couldn't get enough of Kim's outfit and how her stomach was always out. You should have seen it, my classmates were bringing pin-up posters of Kim Possible to school, I actually still have a copy to this very day. Kim also contributed the phrase "What's the sitch?" into the modern world. Oh yea, it wouldn't be complete without singing the theme song right? (Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me!)
7. Princess Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
I think Ariel gets more attention than she deserves because of the seashell bikini. If you examine the list closely, there are only two Disney Princesses that made the cut, Ariel and Aurora, and Aurora is long way down at 21. I ask you people, do you think she would be just as hot if she never wore that seashell bra? She has become human in the first movie and even remained human in the second, but just in case you can't remember, here's Ariel as a human and as a mermaid. Come to think of it, she looks better in part 2, but I guess that's because of technology. Whatever, she deserves this spot.
8. Misty (Pokemon)
I stopped following Pokemon even before the story with Ash, Misty and Brock came to an end. That's why I never understood why Misty had to leave the gang. I did see the new girls though, Dawn and May, but they don't really have anything on Misty. Misty was always wearing that suspended sports bra and short shorts everywhere she went, plus she trains water Pokemon. As I was writing this article, I got a text message saying; "Dude Misty should be #1!" that's a bit too high if you ask me, this is as far as she goes.
9. Rose (American Dragon)
American Dragon was one of the shows I really got into, the story was just so well written that I felt like I was part of it. It's funny how Rose is about two and a half inches taller than Jake Long, but as I have said in some of my previous articles, height is always a plus. Another thing that makes Rose desirable is the fact she is "Huntsgirl", the American Dragon's arch-nemesis. Later on in the story she discovers who Jake really is, but the two of them are torn apart by fate. I feel bad for them in a way, but I just love how ironic and unfortunate their situation is. Turn on.
10. Minnie Mouse (Disney)
I'm sure most of you are surprised she made it this high up, she's half mouse! That thought shows you how underrated Minnie Mouse is, think about it, she's the first leading female Disney ever had. That simple Mickey and Minnie pairing took the world by storm! Minnie can also carry any outfit successfully, making her superior to the others wardrobe wise.
11. Sabrina Spellman (Sabrina the teenage witch)
Obviously not the real series, the girl there was weird. The animated Sabrina kicked ass compared to the real one; she was cute, bubbly and her hair looked so flippy. In 2002, they came up with a movie for the series, it was about Sabrina being sent to Witch school or something. Don't even get me started on how hot she looked in that uniform.
12. Brandy (Brandy and Mr. Whiskers)
This was one of the most overlooked series' of all time. I doubt a lot of you recall this show, but just to spark your memory, this one minute video sums up the whole story perfectly. So yea, Brandy is the pampered pooch in the story, likely the thought of her being the "rich girl" attracts viewers to her canine character. She reminds me of Emma Roberts from Wild Child. If I was a dog, I certainly wouldn't mind mating with her.
13. Sally (Cars)
This needs no explanation. It's a talking Porsche Carrera 911 for crying out loud. The car alone is sexy enough, but a half human Porsche? Hot damn.
14. Tinkerbell (Peter Pan)
I have no idea why so many of the people I interviewed find Tinkerbell attractive, maybe it's the outfit. Come on people, she's like 3 inches tall. Unless you have that shrink ray from "Honey I shrunk the kids", you can never be happy together. But if ever you were the same size, I guess she would be pretty hot. So far, this is the hottest Tinkerbell ever.
15. Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
There she is! I'm pretty sure you were all looking for her since the list began. Jessica Rabbit is always holding on to the number one spot in other lists I've seen, which is why I think she's overrated. We all know she has a banging body, but does anyone really know how she looks like? She could be a freak for all we know, her hair is always in her face. Because of the public bias, she manages to secure spot number fifteen.
16. Kimi Finster (Rugrats All Growed Up)
Another girl I truly like, she falls under my kind of "template". I can imagine you guys thinking how messed up it is to think a baby is hot, but Rugrats had a special all grown up series, where all the babies were depicted as teenagers. If you missed that, Kimi was just so hot that I wanted to be her boyfriend. This little spoof I found is quite perverted, but it depicts Kimi's hotness to the utmost level of truth. I love Kimi Finster.
17. Veronica Lodge (The Archie's series)
I debated within myself whether or not to include Veronica in the list, because technically, she is more of a comic book character. After much self deliberation, I decided that thanks to the animated series Archie comics launched, Veronica can take her place among the top 25. The never ending debate of Betty or Veronica is answered by this nomination, as you can see, Betty didn't even make it on my list. The rich and leggy girl wins this no questions asked. Veronica all the way.
18. Melody (The Little Mermaid)
I actually find Melody hotter than her mom, but then again, society finds Ariel's "template" hotter, or is it the seashell bra? That we will never know. Doesn't it suck to be a girl when your guy friends say that your mom is hotter than you? If I were in that situation, I would feel so burned. At least in real life, age is a factor, so one day, you will eventually become hotter than your mom. But until they decide to make "Little Mermaid 3: Melody takes the crown", Melody will still be living under her mother's shadow.
19. Clover (Totally Spies)
This comes as yet another surprise to most of you, but the leader of the spies falls fourteen spots short to a minor character. The red one is supposed to be the star or center of attention on most shows, like Power Puff Girls, but Britney just dominates like that. When the show was still fresh, all the talk was about who's hotter; Sam or Clover? The obvious answer is Clover, but for the long hair enthusiasts, Sam wins it. Sam isn't on my list though, if only it was a top 30. Oh wait, poor Alex.
20. Kuki "Number 3" (Kids Next Door)
One more of my personal favorites, Kuki, better known as "Number 3", the one with the green sweater. She is just so cute, in fact I think she might be the cutest character on the entire list. Kuki enjoys simple things like Ponies, stuffed toys and her favorite thing ever, Rainbow Monkeys. I just hope she would stick to the Rainbow Monkeys instead of hanging out with Number 4 so much, I get jealous whenever they link those two together! I know she's just in the fourth grade, but as the saying goes, "Age is just a number.".
21. Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Finally, a fully clothed Disney Princess makes it unto the great list. I never really found the whole Princess thing hot, so it's good that at least two made the list. Aurora takes this spot because she is the closest Princess that can even compete with The Little Mermaid, she is of complete royal lineage and has a bunch of Fairies guarding her. She also had it the easiest, because even if the witch was tormenting the kingdom, all she had to do was sleep through all of the drama.
22. Starfire (Teen Titans)
Weirded out a bit, the fact that she is an Alien comes into mind. I never wanted Starfire in here, I get turned off every time she does something out of the ordinary with her face. The only time I think she's hot is when she has the straight face on, and when she is with Robin, he makes her look better.
23. Jane Darling (Peter Pan)
The second British chick after Jane Porter, Jane Darling is Wendy Darling's daughter. Jane is more of an outgoing and brave type of girl compared to her ever protective mother Wendy. Jane can go from braving the World War 2 bombardment to infiltrating Captain Hook's flying pirate ship. What's with all the British girls being named Jane?
24. Isabella (Phineas and Ferb)
"Whatcha doing?" I just love how she pops out of nowhere and says that line, if only girls would say that to me in real life, I would be one happy dude. I think Phineas is pretty stupid for not noticing how much Isabella likes him, she seems like a great catch. Isabella is the leader of her Girl scout troop and help Phineas with whatever he needs. If someone is willing to do anything for you, it's pretty obvious that he/she really cares about you. Funfact: Isabella is voiced over by Alyson Stoner, whom I had a crush on when she was in Cheaper by the dozen.
25. Shego (Kim Possible)
Last and probably the least, Dr. Drakken's feisty assistant, Shego. Shego looks scary as heck, but her body is in great shape, better than Kim's actually. Besides, who doesn't get turned on by the bad guys? Just once though, I'd like to see Shego kick the crap out of Kim.
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I don't know if I missed out on anyone, but this is the list, so don't bother making suggestions, it's too late. Along the way, I cited some characters that made my "personal favorites list" this was to emphasize on the kind of template I am attracted to. If you haven't picked up on it yet, here's another look at the cartoon characters I am actually attracted to;Carlo's Personal Favorites
Britney (Totally Spies)
Kimi Finster (Rurats)
Kuki "Number 3" (Kids Next Door)
Violet Parr (The Incredibles)
Carlo's Valentine's Pick: Before I close this out, I have to tell you who my Valentine's Day pick is for this year, if I had to pick one of these cartoons to be my Valentine, I would go for none other than Kimi Finster.
So if you look like any of those characters, my number is ********. Anyway, you get the whole point right? It's not the most scientific answer, but it makes a lot of sense. That's about all for today, so I hope you had a good time reading that because it was surely a lot of fun to write.
I understand I am a week late, but this is Carlo Herrera wishing all of you a Happy Valentine's Day.
Your Valentine's day turn out to be a disaster? Hatemail? Look like any of my four favorites? Think I rock? mailto;thecarlochronicles@yahoo.com
