Here we go my fellow students, it's the week we have all been waiting for, and at the same time have been dreading. It's finally exam week. In sports terms, this week is like the freaking playoffs, it's do or die. Much like the NCAA March Madness brackets, which I will report on once the exams are over. This edition is being composed right after a lengthy mathematics review because according to my teachers, I have to post a high score in both Algebra and Statistics if I ever want to see the sun of summer. Nevertheless, don't worry about me, I'm pretty confident that I can handle these numbers and carry out my plan of going to the states and covering the NCAA championship. I would give you guys an update on the brackets and my standings but let's just save that for next time. For now, set those reviewers aside and join me for a quick discussion.
I've been meaning to get to this first one for quite some time now and finally I get my chance. A series of videos called "The Annoying Orange" started five months ago and reached it's peak of popularity recently. When I stumbled upon these videos, I thought to myself, "What retard came up with this crap?". Once more, I was surprised at how the human society accepted it so widely, with people cracking up to jokes like, "I want my quarter back" or "Hey Apple, Knife!". The stupidity of the whole thing is quite remarkable, I bet if your best friend had been the one to tell you jokes like that, you would have punched him/her out for being so corny. Looking a bit deeper into it, another thing came into mind as I was studying these videos, do guys you remember Crazy Frog? Yea, the animated frog that makes motorcycle sounds, plays soccer and has his wang sticking out all the time. Crazy Frog made his debut in 2006, originally called "The Annoying Thing", the creators struck gold after the entire world went nuts for the disgusting character. Everyone just loved the plain and simple stupidity of the concept. Heck, my dad was probably one of it's biggest fans, he actually bought the DVD and official music album of Crazy Frog, I remember that he even had this video in his phone! It makes me wonder, did these guys from Gag Films get the whole idea of "The Annoying Orange" from "The Annoying Thing"? What do you guys think?
This next topic is a little bit out of range, but it's really a great idea so let's get on with it, if you're within the age range of 12-15, you can relate to this very well. Okay, I want you to reminisce on the times you were still being invited to children's parties; the ones with spaghetti, pointed hats and ice cream, this is probably when you were about 5-10 years old. They would have these party games like 'musical chairs', 'piñata', 'bring me', 'pabitin' and what not, do you actually remember winning any of them? I know I won a couple of times, but I never came out of a party undefeated, I always managed to lose some of the games. This is mainly because I was being beaten out by an older kid, and as we all know, bigger is better. Maybe today, you think of those games as silly and irrelevant to real life, but I know for a fact that the pain you feel in losing those childish party games never goes away, it sticks to you forever. You may not remember what exactly happened, but deep inside there is a flame that cannot be extinguished. For all you know, that cranky old teacher of yours never won a single party game.
As a revolutionary solution and contribution to the field of psychology, I propose this; a Michael Jordan type comeback. Just like Michael Jordan left the NBA, we left the whole idea of children's party games behind, thinking it wasn't so important now that we're older. Let me tell you something, Michael Jordan decided to return for another run in basketball and when he made that return, he tore everything apart. That is exactly what we should do, come out of retirement. Ask your younger siblings or cousins when is the next time they're going to attend a party, ask them if you can tag along and once they allow you, that's when the fun begins. Upon entrance to that party, stay focused and keep only one goal in mind; win it all. When the emcee or host announces the games, set aside all thoughts of humiliation and mockery, and boldly volunteer yourself. The power and dominance of such an act would be so amazing, the biggest possible threat you can encounter is a fat ten-year old, other than that, you're home free. With your experience and brute strength, nobody can stop you. You will be able to harass everyone else in 'the boat is sinking', you can jump so high that you would be able to bring down the pabitin rack, and so fast that you can beat everyone else to the best candy. Basically, you would feel like Michael Jordan dropping 55 points on Patrick Ewing and the New York Knicks, I'm talking about going home with all the delicious candy, the plastic toys, the fake medals and two extra loot bags. Absolute glory.
Speaking of glory, Manny Pacquiao defeated a strangely inactive Joshua Clottey last week. The fight was criticized by many of the sport's devotees, some even went as far as saying Bob Arum and Top Rank rigged the whole thing to get under Goldenboy's skin. A short recap of the fight before moving on; Pacquiao came out aggressive in the early rounds while Clottey kept his guard up landing limited punches, at this point it seemed like a smart move to let Pacquiao wear himself out. Entering the sixth and seventh rounds, the stances of the two carried on with a bit resistance from Clottey, but still futile as he remained curled up in his classic guard. When the bout reached the ninth round onwards, people started wondering if Pacquiao was ever gonna get tired, and I think he showed a bit of vulnerability in the tenth and eleventh rounds, which I'm sad to say were wasted away by Clottey. The final round was pretty much the last chance for Clottey because he was way behind on the analysts' scorecards, he needed a "sucide" as they call it, meaning that he had to use all his remaining energy on a tough guard dropped gamble against the Pacman, but he didn't do that either, so another victory was racked up by Manny Pacquiao.
I know I've been really hard on Manny Pacquiao ever since I started writing, I always put it down hard on this guy, simply because I think Floyd Mayweather is the greatest fighter of this generation. I hate it when people say that he's better than Muhammad Ali, because he's obviously not, Ali had to go up against such tough competition, guys like Frazier and Foreman who were in their primes, while Pacquiao fed off decaying Mexican legends like Erik Morales, who had to dehydrate himself just to make weight. Despite my frequent criticisms, I want to take this opportunity to give a big shout out to the Pacman himself, Manny, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for being such an ass all the time, and I really appreciate what you sent over. Don't worry readers, I'm getting right on telling you what exactly the Pacman sent me. I had just arrived from a long day at school when I entered my room to freshen up, I then noticed something on my bed, and when I checked it out, I was surprised to find this. Yes, it was an autographed picture of Manny Pacquiao wearing a purple (my favorite color) polo with the words "TO CARLO, BEST OF LUCK! Manny Pacquiao." I actually thought it was a bit cool, even though my dad had already gotten me his autograph on one of his flights, the thought of it was still awesome. I guess he ain't so bad huh? There I said it, are you people happy now?
As I was about to finish this article, I literally burned out and just had to stop for some ice cream, but as usual, it's been a pleasure. I ask all of you to pray for me though, as I embark on an Algebra test tomorrow, show me some love please. NCAA coverage is coming very soon and I am very excited to write about it, at the moment you can check out some professional basketball with the Lakers at my favorite Laker news source, The Lakeshow Express. Find out how I did on my brackets and of course my exams as well, follow me on Twitter, @CarloHerrera.
Love the Annoying Orange? Betting offers? Scared of the algebra exam? Hatemail? Wanna challenge my NCAA brackets? mailto; thecarlochronicles@yahoo.com
